Forgiveness: The Gift You Give Yourself

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes

When someone hurts us, forgiveness can feel impossible.

Whether it's betrayal, abandonment, abuse, harsh words, or years of emotional pain, we often hold onto our anger because it feels justified. Sometimes it even feels like letting go would somehow excuse what happened or allow the other person to "get away with it."

But forgiveness isn't about saying what happened was okay.

It's about setting yourself free.

One of the greatest lessons I've learned on my own healing journey is that forgiveness isn't something we do for the person who hurt us. We do it because carrying resentment, anger, guilt, and shame is incredibly heavy. Those emotions become a burden we carry every single day, often without realizing how much they're affecting our mental, emotional, and even physical well-being.

The truth is that unforgiveness doesn't imprison the other person.

It imprisons us.

Holding On Keeps Us Stuck

When we replay painful memories over and over, our nervous system doesn't always recognize that the event is over. It responds as if the threat is happening again, keeping us in a cycle of stress and emotional suffering.

Research has shown that chronic anger and resentment can contribute to increased stress hormones, anxiety, depression, poor sleep, and even physical health problems. Our minds and bodies are deeply connected.

Forgiveness doesn't erase the past.

It changes our relationship with it.

Instead of allowing our pain to define us, forgiveness allows us to move forward without carrying the emotional weight of what happened.

That doesn't mean we forget.

It doesn't mean we reconcile with someone who continues to harm us.

It simply means we choose peace over perpetual suffering.

The Hardest Person to Forgive Is Often Ourselves

While forgiving others is difficult, I've found that forgiving ourselves can be even harder.

Many of us carry guilt for years.

"I should have known better."

"I should have left sooner."

"I shouldn't have trusted them."

"I should have done more."

"I failed."

We become our own harshest critics, replaying every mistake and every decision we wish we could change.

But healing asks something different of us.

Healing asks us to recognize that every version of ourselves made the best decisions we could with the awareness, resources, and emotional capacity we had at the time.

We cannot expect our past selves to possess the wisdom we've gained through our experiences.

Self-forgiveness is an act of compassion.

It allows us to stop punishing ourselves for surviving.

It allows us to release shame and begin rebuilding a relationship with ourselves rooted in kindness instead of criticism.

The Beautiful Practice of Ho'oponopono

One practice that has profoundly influenced my own healing journey is the ancient Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono.

Traditionally, Ho'oponopono is a practice of reconciliation, forgiveness, and restoring harmony. While there are traditional forms practiced within Hawaiian communities, a modern adaptation has become widely known as a simple yet deeply meaningful meditation centered around four healing phrases:

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

These words aren't about accepting blame for everything that has happened in your life.

Instead, they become an invitation to release pain, soften resentment, and reconnect with love and compassion.

Many people practice Ho'oponopono by directing these words toward someone who hurt them.

Others direct them toward themselves.

And sometimes, that's where the deepest healing begins.

Imagine saying those words to the version of yourself who has carried guilt for years.

The version who was simply doing the best they could.

The version who has desperately needed your compassion all along.

Forgiveness Is a Practice, Not a One-Time Event

One of the biggest misconceptions about forgiveness is that it happens overnight.

In reality, forgiveness is often something we choose repeatedly.

Some days you'll feel free.

Other days, the pain may resurface.

That's okay.

Healing isn't linear.

Each time you choose compassion over resentment…

Each time you release a little more shame…

Each time you soften toward yourself…

You're healing.

Little by little.

Moment by moment.

Your Healing Matters

If you're struggling to forgive someone, or yourself, know that you don't have to force it.

Simply begin by becoming willing.

Willing to let go.

Willing to release what no longer serves you.

Willing to choose your own peace.

Forgiveness doesn't change the past.

But it absolutely changes your future.

Experience a Guided Ho'oponopono Meditation

If you're ready to begin your own forgiveness journey, I've created a guided Ho'oponopono meditation inside The Wellness Vault.

This gentle practice will help you release emotional burdens, cultivate compassion, and begin healing, whether you're working toward forgiving someone else, forgiving yourself, or both.

Remember, forgiveness isn't about giving someone else peace.

It's about finally giving it to yourself.

You deserve that freedom.

All my love,

Shanna

Progress, not perfection